Warm Hearts Happy Family

An unexpected gift

2011-08-29T13:55:00.002-04:00

Blue eyes, rebelling against his will and filling with tears, telling me the secrets of his grief.

Sadness, loss, aching...wisdom.

Eyes sagged and wrinkled around the edges, but still bright blue at the core. I can't help but wonder how those eyes must have sparkled when youth was on his side. Was it those eyes that caught his ladies attention? Did they well up when he said "I do" just as they did with me today?

"I lost my wife three weeks ago."

Handkerchief handy in his left pocket, he wiped his face and tried to hide his sorrow. But sorrow like that, which fills every cell of your body, takes up every space in your soul, refuses to be ignored. Refuses to be hidden away. It pours out of your every movement, brutally betrays your will to suppress the pain.

"Enjoy your husband, it goes by so fast."

These are the words he left me with, and I left him with an embrace that said more than my awkward words could have. Its funny how humanity hits you in the face, reminds you that life is precious. Life is fragile. And life is worth all the love we are built to give.

I will take this strangers advice, and hope to one day feel his loss. For to feel such deep sorrow means to have had its equal in love, passion, friendship and contentment.

The boys in my life

2011-08-13T19:43:00.004-04:00

I woke up to the little footsteps coming down the hall, in the middle of the night. I just laid there silently until I could tell which angel it was. "I'm scared...." It's my boy, it usually is. He climbs into our bed and snuggles in between us.

It's raining which is my favorite way to sleep. Hypnotic and rhythmic. Drowns out stress and thoughts. Deep sleep...

Hubby quickly rolls out of bed, having not enough room, to go take the boy's empty spot in his bed. Before he goes I hear him whisper, "take care of your mom pal, she is afraid of thunderstorms". Then I feel a sweet, angelic, protective arm hug tightly around my back. A few minutes pass, he moves his arm to roll over and get cozy. Just when he does, a big thunder claps and instantly he put his arm back around me. I smile. I'm in love. And I am so damn lucky.

Good energy, good life.

2011-08-13T19:42:00.000-04:00

Put good, honest, caring, compassionate, and thoughtful energy into the world and good things will come back at you. Be yourself, don't get caught up in negativity, and don't focus on the wrongs others will do to you. Keep peace with the knowledge that the truth and all that is good within you will always triumph!

Dear Universe:

2011-06-26T17:43:00.002-04:00

Can you please send a staff writing job my way? Preferably an advice column, or a space to create positive and real commentary about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. Or give me my own space in the advertisement and marketing world. OR a little slice of narrative heaven, creating back story and compelling, descriptive commentary for TV.

Dream job.

Too much to ask? I thought so too...

Positivity nourishes my spirit

2011-05-25T20:27:00.005-04:00

I am feeling sluggish, down, and unmotivated. I keep writing about living out your dreams and living a genuine life and yet here I am in the exact same spot, another year later (with the addition of a new ball of squirming beauty that is).

My life isn't bad, in fact I am so blessed in so many ways. I have a good job, great husband, and children that seem to be plucked straight from my dreams. I am just missing something, and I don't even know what it is...

The real issue is confidence and believing in myself. Every time an opportunity comes my way I seem to either sabotage it, or completely ruin it with my lack of feeling worthy. So here I sit in the same professional and financial rut and I am so ready to climb out. But what path to take...

Now I know why most of my posts are full of irritatingly up-beat messages; these short three paragraphs were hard for me to get out. I thrive on positivity, positive messages, and positive people. And with that last sentence I now know my whole purpose for this post. Positivity. I need it just as I need water and light and when it is lacking I can not breathe. I will do my best to put out a positive and energetic vibe in all I do, in hopes for the same in return.

Sunflowers on a sunny day

2011-05-04T13:43:00.003-04:00

My beautiful boy came walking in the door, complete with a sheepish grin and sparkling eyes, with a handfull of these "flowers". He calls them sunflowers and I just don't have the heart to break the news to him that they are actually weeds.

He was so pleased with himself, and told me they are a present for Mother's Day. How the heck did I get here? Having a five-year-old heart breaker? It was yesterday hubby and I decided to start our family and now we are a family of 5--complete with 3 little humans that light up our life; with a five year old that expresses love, kindness, and appreciation to his loved ones almost daily.

These weeds remind me not to lose my mind, to pull patience from deep inside when I feel like I have none, and to take pleasure in the simple gestures, the simple things that get sprinkled into our days between the chaos of life.

My fingers feeling the flow once again

2011-05-04T13:24:00.004-04:00

Ahhh...I paid a big price for taking a break from my blog. I lost it all :(

When I became pregnant a whirlwind of emotion and anxiety, mixed with excitement and chaos ensued and I completely abandoned writing. As my wise cousin says, pregnancy consumes all of your creative energy; and that is certainly what my pregnancy felt like.

So my blog sat neglected, my hosting sat un-renewed, and all of my writing that was there is long gone. I was able to grab some posts from out in cyber-land--that I had posted elsewhere--and paste them back into a safe place to call home.

It feels so great to have my creative place back, to have a publish button back, and to have the desire to create my hearts music once again.

<3

Broken armor: My journey back to normal

2011-05-04T12:59:00.001-04:00

Written in Jan 2010

I am a strong person, always have been. I am a problem solver, a solution finder--always. I am the level-headed one, the person people bring their problems to. The one who can see a situation from all angles, possibilities and sides almost immediately. I have always put my identity in my strength and ability to meet my goals.

So imagine my surprise when I completely fell apart.

As the cool air started blowing in its crisp promises of fall fun, so did it blow away the person I once knew. No longer did I have things together, but instead I was wasting away in anxiety. Somehow my anxiety, always lurking and hiding in the shadows, had found the upper hand, a weakness in my armor and taken over my life.

My most important definition of success - creating a genuinely joyful life for my family - was being tested, strained and beaten. Being a working mom and an attached parent, I pride myself on finding balance. I had it figured out; joy and balance is my thing. How did I lose control?
Everyday tasks like taking my son to preschool, cleaning up spilled juice or even getting out of bed became mountains to climb. The second I woke up, the anxiety began churning; thoughts of what could possibly go wrong that day and how my life seemed so overwhelming.

I didn't wait very long before seeking help - remember, I am a problem solver at heart. And I had a big problem. I took my husband with me to the doctor for support, but mostly so he could hear what was going on straight from the doctor. Because just as much as I needed a light at the end of the tunnel, so did he. I know my months of panic attacks that rendered me useless put a huge strain on him.

I dove right into research to learn about anxiety, to try and put logic into a problem that is anything but logical and I am on my way back to normal. After some trial and error with medication, research and support I am feeling like my old self. I am feeling back in control, and I am the woman, wife and mother my family deserves - almost.

The kitchen and I do not get along

2011-05-03T15:38:00.001-04:00

Why do I feel so average around other women? Nope, average is the wrong word, more like inadequate. Not with all things, just with some things that seem to come so naturally to other women, such as housework and the like. But mostly I am in awe of the way some women can work a kitchen. Seriously work it. Even when the kitchen isn't theirs! I have a hard enough time navigating and keeping organized my own kitchen, let alone a completely foreign one.

When I see someone cooking and taking complete control of a kitchen with ease and grace I just stare in wonder. I feel like a 10-year-old who should just go to her room and stay out of the grown-ups way. Sometimes I offer to help, but they know as well as I do I would mostly just be in the way.

I have almost come to accept this as my strengths in motherhood blossom. I am a breastfeeding extraordinaire and completely aware of my children's emotional needs. I can juggle two kids, work, writing and my husband without batting an eye. Not enough to make up for my lack of June Cleaver-ness for some, but these are the things that are important to me. My family is happy so I am all good.

Love affair

2011-05-03T15:34:00.001-04:00

I love to read. I love to get lost into a well-woven story, escape my own reality and live vicariously through a well-written and well-developed character. My love for reading goes deeper than that, though. It involves the senses - the look, feel, sound and the mostly the smell of books.

I can remember when I was a kid the thrill of getting a brand new book. I loved the way the cover looked and the texture of the paper, the slight indent of the words on the page. I loved the sound the binding made when opening the cover for the first time. That sound implied all of the excitement that was in store, all of the secrets the author was waiting to tell me. I would always take a few minutes and admire the craftsmanship of it and fan the pages in front of my nose and relish in the musty wonderful odor. I think this appreciation of the book as a whole has helped nurture my love for reading and so followed my love for learning.

Now that I have children I am so excited to pass down this love to them the way my mom passed it to me. I want to encourage them to appreciate the book for the book itself, even before reading the first sentence. Teaching my kids to appreciate and love learning is one of the best gifts I can give them.

My hope is even long after I am gone my kids will bury their nose deep into a book, inhale and smile. Smile because they are filled with warm memories of Mom and how I taught them early that reading is a gift to treasure.

Childhood dreams: Live them for your kids

2011-05-03T15:23:00.003-04:00

One of the most inspirational books I have read is The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch (co-authored with Jeffery Zaslow). Randy lived his life with passion and courage and most importantly with dreams. He realized almost all of his childhood dreams against all the odds most people face.

One of the things that resonated loudly with me was one of his mantras: “The brick walls are there for a reason. They’re not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something”. These words embedded themselves into my core and refused to be ignored.

I want my children to grow up surrounded by optimism, surrounded by success and passion. I lost my dreams somewhere between swinging on the playground and figuring out how to make all of the bill payments on time. But I am claiming them back-my life is mine to determine and I owe it to my childhood-self to do the things she knew I would be best at. The things that would make me happy.

Kids are funny that way. They know their talents right away-they know what they want to be right away. But too often kids face stresses and obstacles that erode the once glossy dream into a distant memory. I will do everything in my power not to let this happen to my children. I am hear to nurture and foster every dream they have-who am I to say if their dreams are realistic or weather or not they can achieve them. They will face that enough in their lives and my hope is my voice will be loud enough, influencing enough, to resonate in their heads when they themselves are feeling self-doubt.

Kids are sponges and in a lot of cases emulate the life they have at home. So my gift to them-to prove they can make whatever life they want-is to believe in myself. To chase after my dreams and to accomplish my definition of success.

Love and Coffee

2011-05-03T15:20:00.002-04:00

I base the state of my marriage on if my husband makes me a pot of coffee in the morning. It may sound silly but really, there is no better way to judge. He isn’t a coffee drinker so by having a cup ready and waiting for me when I get out of bed is a gesture of appreciation, a gesture of love.

All marriages go through the peaks and valleys of emotion, both love and disdain. I once heard someone say the beauty of being married is that you are bound to one another until you fall back into love. I see a lot of truth in that.

I think my husband and I are perfect together. He is my best friend and the person above everybody else that I want to spend my time with. I get just as excited to spend time alone with him now, as I did when we first met. And I know he feels the same. We laugh together and bring out the best in one another.

Other times I want to punch him in the face — hard.

And I know he must feel the same because — on paper — we are pretty incompatible. I know he wishes I was a a better cook, a better housekeeper, and a lover of sports. I wish I could crack open a beer and enjoy a football game with him, I really do. But I would rather poke my eyes out with a knitting needle — slowly.

So when my husband makes no effort to wake me up with the aroma of our finest breakfast blend, I worry. I worry that he has dipped in a valley. I worry that I must not be meeting his needs, that his "emotional tank" must be empty. And thoughts of doubt creep into my head.

When the coffee pot goes empty it is a sign, a small hint to spend time on us. To spend time connecting and reminding each other that we are friends before anything else.

Because although valleys are normal, the line into danger is a very small one to cross. And on the other side may be a current that has its own destination regardless of your will. A current that will pull you under and pull you so far apart that you can’t make the swim back to each other; no matter how hard you try.

So I listen to the signs because at the end of the day, the year, our life, my husband is who I want to be next to, forever. This is the best gift I can give to not only myself, but to our children.

Letter to my Son

2011-05-03T15:14:00.001-04:00

My Dear Son,

Last night you said: “Mommy, why is your name Mommy?”

If you only knew that you gave me everything I ever wanted. How out of all of my dreams, out of all of the make-believe kids I had created in my imagination, I cannot believe God gave me such a beautiful boy. Beautiful on the outside with a beautiful 3-year-old soul to match.

I know your little sister is tough competition for my attention. But just know you are who made me mom, you are my firstborn and my son. Nothing will ever replace that. Remember these words as I am gushing over her hair and clothes and all the girly things we are sure to do.

All my life motherhood was my goal, was my calling. Motherhood was the only thing that I knew - without question - I would be fantastic at. What I was not expecting was just how much you would fill up my heart, fill up my existance, and fill up my world with such bright happiness that I literally close my eyes and try to breath you in every chance I get.

My favorite time of day is bed time, when I tuck you in and hold you close. We talk about our day and talk about your exciting adventures waiting for you when you wake up. I kiss the back of your head, smell your hair, and we talk until you are safely in your sleeping peace. I cherish these moments because I know they are fleeting and one day you will no longer crave the tranquility of your mothers embrace.

So son, thank you. Thank you for making me a mother and making all of my childhood dreams come true.

Love,

Mom.

New Home

2010-09-23T18:04:00.001-04:00

Hello my friends!

You will notice my blog has a new home. Please be patient while I set up and merge my old posts.

More to come.

Yummy vacation pictures

2009-04-15T15:59:00.005-04:00

These are my favorite people in the world. I sometimes can not believe how lucky I am, what an amazing hand God gave me. I am getting much better and enjoying life instead of worring everything will slip away. And doing a much better job believing I deserve this happiness.

Why todays parents are saying no to circumcision

2009-04-14T18:02:00.003-04:00

Detroit Motherhood Examiner: Why todays parents are saying no to circumcision

I have one thing to ask before you continue on with this article. Open your mind, read the information without defenses. I have had my own personal journey with circumcision, my son is circumcised, and I will admit I thought the idea of not circumcising was just…weird. So I get the resistance to the culture shift, I really do.

We are the only country that routinely circumcises our infants at birth for non religious reasons. This is not the norm in other countries. In fact when speaking with a European friend of mine who was expecting a boy, she said she would not only not circumcise her son, but that she would never stand for it. When you live in a culture that does not routinely circumcise, the question becomes why would you.

So, do Europeans and their intact penises have mystery penis problems? Are they dirty? Do they have a higher rate of sexually transmitted diseases? The answer is no. Really? Are these not the main problems that we are trying to avoid?

First let’s examine some of what is lost after a circumcision is performed in the United States (In the US, most hospital circumcisions are done to the Bris Periah standard of removing every ounce of foreskin and, in a large percentage of cases, some shaft skin).

Foreskin: The foreskin comprises around 50% of the movable skin system of the penis. In fact the average foreskin if spread out, would be about 15 square inches. The average adult foreskin has three to four feet of blood vessels and amazingly between 10,000 and 20,000 specialized erotogenic nerve endings of several types. All of this is removed.

Ridged Band: The ridged band is comprised of soft ridges near where the inner and outer foreskin meet. This is the primary erogenous zone in an intact male penis.

Meissner's Corpuscles: Meissner’s Corpuscles are thousands of coiled fine touch receptors. This is arguably the most important sensory component of the foreskin.

Other losses include:

Gliding Action
Frenulum
Dartos Fascia
Immunological System
Lymphatic Vessels
Estrogen Receptors
Apocrine Glands
Sebaceous Glands
Langerhans Cells
Natural Glans Coloration
Length and Circumference
Dorsal Nerves

So while the adult penis "works" when circumcised, it is arguable that it doesn't come close to the experience it is designed for. I was always under the impression just a little extra "flap" of skin was removed -- such an old myth.

One of the first defenses to circumcision I always here is that a cut penis is cleaner. In reality the opposite is true in infancy. The intact infant penis does not retract so care is so much easier. You just wipe and go! And when the boy is older and the foreskin separates from the glans I am positive they can learn to pull back the foreskin and rinse. We teach our girls proper hygiene and our boys are just as capable. In fact world wide female circumcision is a much more practiced procedure. And the main reason cultures site is that a circumcised vagina is cleaner. Things that make you go hmmm...

Let's tackle sexually transmitted diseases. This is a big one and I will to be brief and clear. The study done in Africa regarding circumcision and HIV has caused much undeserved buzz. The study says circumcision decreased the transmission of HIV. While this may be true, the study was never finished. Time for the circumcised group to heal was not factored into the equation, and they stopped mid study to circumcise the control group.

Just pause to really think about whether routine infant circumcision decreases STD's in the united states. We have the highest rates of circumcision and we do not have lower rates of sexually transmitted diseases. Also, why don't countries that do not routinely circumcise, and are on the same level socially as America, have much higher HIV rates than us? The data is out there, and it just does not support this theory.

This just barely scratches the surface but my hope is it will give you pause -- and prompt some investigation into the issue on your own. Here is a great article on what can happen when a circumcision goes wrong. Is it worth the risk?

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Trying to get back in the swing of things

2009-04-14T16:32:00.002-04:00

Does anybody else feel like vacation is about 90% work and only 10% relaxation? At least when you have small children anyway and you are sharing a small house with lots of extended family. We are back from our ten day excursion and I am ready for my normalcy back.

I always feel so inadequate when around other women who can work a kitchen with ease and grace. I always feel like there are other mothers out there that surely do a better job than me, and I know most moms are much more organized than me. I did my best but still fell short of certain people's expectations. I have never claimed to be the best house keeper, but I can say with confidence my children are showered with quality time and love. And THAT is what matters to me. Oh well, trying to let it roll off my back.

Anyway, despite both of my children ending up in urgent care, thunderstorms, hail, snow, tornadoes, and sun burns (yes, all in one week people!), mixed with crazy drama, my family had a great time. We did lots of fun activities--I'm talking real memory makers--and spent oodles of quality time together.

Now the unpacking and days of laundry begin, getting the kids back on their routines, and catching up in the workplace. I changed my mind...about 95% work--but so worth it.

Top 5 tips for successful breastfeeding before baby comes

2009-04-12T14:44:00.005-04:00

Many mothers don't realize that there is are a few crucial things they can do before baby arrives to make their breastfeeding efforts a success. I will outline the top 5 things that will help aid in stress reduction and create a happy breastfeeding relationship.

1) Create your support group:

This is absolutely essential. Even if you have read all there is to read I promise the first few days when baby is here you will have questions. You will doubt yourself. And you will at some point feel like you are failing. This is where your support women come in. Having a woman on your side, who had been where you are and came out successful on the other side will be your saving grace. She will be there to encourage you, guide you, and help you celebrate your success.

2) Research baby's nourishment needs:

For some women it can take up to five days before their full milk comes in. This alone can cause much anxiety, because surely baby is starving, right? Well, not really. The colostrum that is produced before your milk comes in is extremely potent and packed with all the nourishment baby needs in the first days of life. The first day they need less than a teaspoon, a little more the next day, and so on. Know ahead of time what to expect in the way of wet and dirty diapers and you are good to go.

3) Expect your nipples to hurt:

And by hurt I mean send you into excruciating, toe curling, scream out loud pain. And not all women experience nipple discomfort but I sure did. And my daughter was latched perfectly. Everything I read said you may experience mild discomfort, but not pain. Pain meant that baby was latched incorrectly. I have not found this to be true in my experience. You may be one of the lucky ones, and I do know a few, that do not experience this two weeks of nipple boot camp. But prepare yourself anyway, just in case.

4) Throw modesty out the window:

A huge huddle I hear so many woman talk about is trying to nurse with all of the company around. Your loved ones are so excited to see your new bundle, and want to be with you to relish in the first few days of your new babies life. This can wreak havoc on the new modest moms breastfeeding efforts. Either they hide out in a different room (no fun!), supplement while company is there, or they breastfeed too infrequently while waiting for the entourage to leave. All of this is so damaging and sets you up for failure. I made ALL of these mistakes my first go around. With my daughter I let everybody know that I would love their company -- I am nursing and will not seclude myself to do so -- and if they were uncomfortable with that I would completely understand and they could visit at a later date. I urge you to adopt the same attitude before baby makes their arrival.

5) Leave the free samples of formula at the hospital:

Don't be fooled. These "free" samples are the biggest, most genius marketing campaigns ever. If you are stressed, frazzled, and doubting yourself, that free can of formula looks really good at 3am. And then again the next day, and before you know it approximately $2,000 per year is lining the pockets of that formula company. Leave the artificial breast milk at the hospital and give your angel the real thing. Trust your body because it is all that your baby needs. You will be so proud and thankful that you did.

Here comes the big question

2009-04-04T10:39:00.012-04:00

As we speak my family is driving down south for a long needed vacation. We are spending a week down there and fun, food, and family adventures are all on the agenda.

What I am sure is also on the agenda..."you are still nursing!?" Sigh...she is only 15 months, still a baby to me. I am preparing myself. My Grandma came from an entirely different generation, a generation that actually received a shot to prevent the milk from coming in-what a sad day that was! And shame on the medical community for being bought like that.

I am getting my facts together so I can just nod and smile, and give some good trinkets of extended nursing benefits here and there. Also on my side is my Aunt who is also spending the week with us. She nursed her own babies well past a year and I am stoked to be spending some good quality time with her. She radiates such joy in motherhood and I love soaking that in--she makes me a better mom.

Husband frustrations.

2009-04-02T15:09:00.006-04:00

My husband is really awe-inspiring , as in character worthy -- make other women jealous -- amazing. I appreciate all he does, really I do...but please allow me to complain. Just for a brief moment; a blip really. And then I will remind my self of his awesome-ness, really I will try.

The man is just slightly obsessive compulsive. And antsy. And has the shortest attention span ever. Oh, and he is tremendously absent minded. He can not stand a messy house but he is the -throw everything in a closet screw the consequences - type of guy. And even worse he throws everything away. Disorder be damned! In one graceful swoop an entire counter of clutter will wind up in the garbage; whether it is vital information or not. Nice.

This also means moms stuff is always missing - and most of the time - gone forever.

I am not exaggerating. We recently finished our basement and with that came cleaning out the storage room down there. I found Christmas presents from 3 years ago that I forgot I even received! He had them stuffed away so lightning quick I never even realized I was missing them.

Crazy, crazy man. Wait till the kids are older...they are going to love this as much as I do!

Hey economy, screw you!

2009-04-01T14:05:00.003-04:00

Staying positive and uplifted and joyful can be almost impossible for many families in our current economy. And I get why. The news is full of unemployment rates, layoffs, company bail outs, and greedy CEO's. Seems the old saying holds true; the rich keep getting richer while the poor -- you get what I am saying.

The thing that helps me is to remember all the things I do have. I refuse to give up my power; refuse to let finances or any other stress put a shadow over my families well being.

Yesterday my husband came dangerously close to a lay off. Our household can not survive without his salary. Hell, we are just barely surviving with his salary. When we learned the news we immediately went to our worst case scenario and worked backwards from there. We had a game plan within the first five minutes which took much of our anxiety away.

In the end, his job is secure (for now) but the day made me proud. I was proud of our teamwork, proud that we pulled together instead of letting the stress make us crazy. I was proud that we never skipped a beat and our children are none the wiser. Because in the end, for me, that is what happiness is. If my children feel safe and secure and happy, then my world is all good.

This has been the best year of my life

2009-03-24T17:26:00.009-04:00

Original version posted at detnews.com MichMoms blog

I am amazed at the success I am experiencing this year and am more convinced now than ever that you can take control of your life. You can make your life anything that you want it to be. I never dreamed I would be creating the opportunities for myself that I have. Never dreamed I would rediscover my childhood dreams and see them come to life. Never dreamed I would be so satisfied in my career. And most of all, never dreamed my family would fill me up with so much love and happiness that joy spills over into every thing I do.

My family is amazing. My husband...he is so much more than my husband. He is my best friend and my teammate. He enables me to be the mother I am and to follow my dreams. He enables me because of the kind of man he is...the most nurturing and loving father I have ever seen. And he keeps our house in amazing order which gives me time for me. And when we have time for ourselves we can give so much more of the good stuff to the world.

I can't help but wonder why? Why is everything in my life going as I want it? I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now and the answer is simple. Because I changed my attitude. Because I started believing in myself. Because I took control of my life instead of waiting for my life to just happen.

I am fully aware that we are just shy of April and the year is has really just begun. But the old me would wait for something to implode, would wait for some terrible tragedy to overtake my happy bubble, or would wait for my career to fall flat. The new me realizes your life will be whatever you choose it to be. Your life is up to you to create. Your life can be the things that dreams are made of.

Negative body image issues start early for girls

2009-03-23T12:46:00.004-04:00

Detroit Motherhood Examiner: Negative body image issues start early for girls

One of the gifts I want to give my daughter is a healthy, realistic body image and a love for herself that is rooted deep and radiates from the inside out. This is going to be an extremely large task considering our children are bombarded with unrealistic media images everywhere they look. This along with mothers who obsess over their own weight, and fathers who display a clear preference for thinner women, can leave a life long imprint on what it means to be a woman of value in our culture.

WebMD asked the experts and really dug inside the issue and gave some great advice on ways to help girls develop a healthy attitude about their bodies.

So let’s break it down:

On average, a young woman receives 180 minutes of media influence and only 10 minutes of parental interaction per day according to Renee Hobbs, EdD, associate professor of communications at Temple University. This just sets our teens up for failure and can cause low self esteem and eating disorders. The best way to combat this is to acknowledge and encourage girls to think objectively about the images and what goes into creating that facade of perfection. Remind them of the camera tricks and air brushing that goes on behind the scenes. Dove's campaign for real beauty is a wonderful resource and strives to show real beauty of all ages, shapes, and color.

Girls pay acute attention to what mothers say about their own bodies, and that of celebrities. I know I will think twice about making catty comments about so-and-so celebrity who packed on a few pounds from now on. We as mothers are our daughter’s most influential role model. So let’s do not only us, but them a favor and just love ourselves. Let's embrace our own inner beauty and strength.

Next in line of influence is dear dad. According to Carleton Kendrick EdM, LCSW, social worker and co-author of Take Out Your Nose Ring, Honey, We're Going to Grandma's, a daughter learns how to relate to men by the way she relates to her father. So if daddy tells his daughter she may need to drop and peel 10, this could be life changing and extremely negative. So dads, I would leave the lets get healthy and start a work out routine talk to mom. Equally important says Kendrick is how fathers perceive all women, not just their daughters. Kendrick urges all fathers: "Pay attention to how you respond to the media images of sexy, thin women because your daughter is listening."

And finally, parents point out healthy children playing at the park or walking in the mall. Compliment your daughter’s achievements in school and her positive contributions to her family and community. Teach your daughter that she is worthy and beautiful just for being her. The best way for me to instill this into my own daughter, is to practice what I preach and love myself no matter what weight I am. This is something that I have struggled with my whole life, equating my worth as a person with the number on the scale. I will do whatever I can to spare my daughter this counter productive mentality.

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To my blog...

2009-03-22T19:24:00.004-04:00

You have been neglected...I know this but just hang tight. You will be dusted off, polished, and renewed very soon. My dear blog, with just a few entries you renewed my passion for writing, my passion for life. I owe you much love!

Our writing adventures to be continued soon!

Check me out!

2009-02-03T19:52:00.003-05:00

Today I started writing for Examiner.com! It is my first writing job and I am super pumped about it. I am excited for the creative outlet, and for the chance to tap into my long suppressed writing skills.

http://www.examiner.com/x-3016-Detroit-Motherhood-Examiner

So swing by and check it out :)

I am here

2009-01-29T19:40:00.001-05:00

Trying so hard to hear You.....trying to feel You. I am ready for Your guidance in my life. My heart is open.

New Germ-a-phobe in the house

2009-01-23T19:14:00.004-05:00

My family just got through a week of hell on earth...the stomach flu. Wow. It started Sunday night with me which just so happened to be a rare night that Tim had to work all night at an emergency job. My cousin, who was my angel of mercy, came to help me with the kids because I could barely walk let alone care for diva 1 and diva 2. Her boyfriend also came to help out and I am so appreciative of them. 2am rolls around and Brady wakes up crying--the kind of cry that you just know is about to be followed with some major puke action. The bulls eye of his vomit seemed to be my cousins chest--nice. I felt really bad because at that moment I was fairly certain my agony was in her near future. Sure enough she sent me a message the next day that she too was sick. I owe her a serious dinner from a five star restaurant. Just when I thought things were settling down Grace starts up...you get the picture. That was another night of virtually zero sleep for me! Ah, the joys of motherhood. And finally yesterday I got the dreaded call from Tim racing home from work to be sick. This strain of flu has been brutal and lasts about 3 days so I am telling you--wash your hands! And keep washing them! It is extremely contagious and has been spreading like the plague...yuck.

Ode To My Boobs

2009-01-17T18:28:00.005-05:00

I wrote this awhile ago, but still think it is funny :)

To my fabulous boobs: May you RIP

As I got into the shower today, I saw your buoyancy has gone away
We have had some great times, been through thick and thin,
You have made many men sheepishly grin.
You helped me snag a great man, who made me his wife,
You have been like two best friends with me for life.
Now I’m afraid you just lay on my belly flat,
Oh how I long for your perky youth back.
You no longer tempt men, but please feel no guilt,
Because you make the sweetest mama’s milk!

Breastfeeding

2009-01-15T18:16:00.003-05:00

Nursing my daughter has been one of the most rewarding wonderful things I have done to date. I tried with my son, and failed miserably due to a number of things. Lack of knowledge, lack of support, and most of all lack of confidence. That is the key, not only wanting to do it but believing you can. Getting through the first few days without freaking out that you are starving your baby. Trusting in your instincts. And surrounding yourself with people that want you to succeed, not wanting you to fail just so they can make themselves feel better about their formula choices. Brady got 8 weeks of my milk...better than nothing at all I guess. I envy the women who got it right the first time without all the help that I so desperately needed. Don't get me wrong though, my failure is all mine.

With Grace, I was lucky enough to have a group of women that cheered me on, answered all of my questions no matter how redundant and seemingly basic. With their support I felt empowered and strong. Why don't women give that to each other more often? I guess we will always be in an eternal competition with each other; the criteria may change over the years but the one up-ing probably never will. I will for the rest of my life be a support system to women who want to nurse their babies--a one woman cheer squad here!

Here we are just over one year of nursing and I am proud of us. It is effortless now, but it took a lot of hard work and dedication for a long time. Especially with my working full time--I had to pump. And pump. And pump. But Grace got nothing but my breast milk for the first 7 months of her life so it was worth it. Looking at your healthy chunky baby and knowing that only your body sustained their little life since conception is amazing. Mothers milk is amazing. Right around 7 months we started giving her solids and she took off with it. The girl loves to eat which is quite common in our house I must say. We will probably self wean when she is ready to give it up...which doesn't seem anywhere in sight.
Here we are on her first birthday

So if you have nursed your babies in the past...make sure you pass on your knowledge and offer support. Even if it is just a smile to the young woman nursing in public :). And if you want to nurse your babies--you can do it! You will suprise yourself. And as you teach yourself how to get it right, your baby will be teaching you to mother through breastfeeding. All of your instincts come to life. Honest! It rocks the house.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

2009-01-12T13:53:00.001-05:00

Grace turned one yesterday. My little Diva Monkey is getting so big. This also commemorates our 1 year nursing anniversary. I am so proud to have been able to give her the best start in life. She shows no signs of slowing down either!

We did the usual...tons of food and family. Presents. And a one year old let loose to do what she wants with her cake. Fun times for all.

I remember my blessings often for what I have and try to thank God for them daily. I always wanted a daughter and she is so amazing that I sometimes don't feel worthy. I can not wait to guide her and find out what her future holds :)

I am being tested

2009-01-08T15:21:00.001-05:00

Remember how 09 is all about thriftiness? Well the self proclaimed coffee addict works directly next door to the most delicious of all deliciousness coffee places. No more spending 5 bucks on a cup of coffee. Will power. Will power. Will power. Sigh...going to make myself a cup of tea to pass the craving.

Love you Biggby, its been real.

When I grow up.

2009-01-04T12:56:00.001-05:00

I am turning 30 this year and truth be told I excited for the new chapter. I am learning what really defines me. And am taking hold of what I want out of life. I was watching Bishop TD Jakes one day and he said something that turned a light bulb on...he said your life is not going to happen by accident. You need a plan. If you don't change your behavior and create a plan, your outcome is going to be the same. Duh! But he said it in such a way that made sense to me. I had heard this all my life in school...goal setting, life planning etc. But this man, this day, finally made me believe in myself and believe that I can have whatever life I want.

So...what life do I want? I am pretty much living it, but with a huge factor missing. Are my husband and I fulfilling what we are meant to do with our lives? We are an amazing team. We are amazing parents but I know we can be better people. We both have careers that we don't love, we work to pay the bills. And that is OK, but I don't want to be just OK anymore. I want financial security but that is never going to happen unless we believe we are worthy of that. I want to make a difference in the world but I for the life of me don't know how. I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up. How sad is that? I could never come up with an answer in school when asked either. I know a couple of things. I love children, especially children in need. I have a deep desire to heal little souls. I would love to work helping children battle autism, along side with giving their parents hope. But how do I start my life over with a mortgage, 2 kids, and piles of bills? Oh, and almost zero spare time?

More than myself, I would love to see my husband realize how amazing he is. That he is so smart and can do ANYTHING he wanted. Anything. He is such a smart man and he cuts himself so short. He is so talented in so many ways. I pray that he has his aha moment. I would bend over backwards to see him succeed, would give up almost anything to see his self esteem rise and see him fulfill his desires. If only he could figure out what he wants to do, and believe he can do it. Tim, if you read this you can do it.

Self Fulfilling Prophecy. I am really soaking in what this means and trying to live by it. You get out of life what you imagine, what you dream, and how you see yourself. It is applicable to so much in my life. I always saw myself married to an amazing man, check. Always saw myself as a mother, check. Always saw myself in a beautiful home filled with love and peace, check. I have accomplished so much in my life with this philosophy and didn't even realize it. When I made the Pom squad in high school. When I wanted my current position at work (that I am still in 7 years later! ugh!). When planning my dream wedding. So many things happened just as I saw they would, knew they would. Now I am trying to use this to take my life to the next level.

And if you made it through all of that, thanks for listening. I just needed a sounding board to get these thoughts out of my head so I can start taking action. I just wish I could see what the next step is!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T12:03:00.001-05:00

'09 is all about finances. We need to get our budget in order.....the only stress in our life is caused by our disastrous spending habits. This is the only thing out of sync in my life and my one and only goal is to get it corrected. We are going to use our tax refund to catch up our bills and then meet the new Mr. and Mrs. Frugal.

And...come hell or high water I am working out today :)

Holidays are almost behind us

2008-12-29T16:22:00.002-05:00

Our Christmas was fantastic. We spent lots of time with family and it was good all around. Ate too much good food and drank just the right amount of good wine ;). Christmas eve was spent with Tim's family and they spoiled the kids rotten as usual! My brother in law arrived back home from Nicaragua that evening and was just so thankful for what he has. He was there providing medical care to the people--I am so proud of him!

Christmas morning was all sorts of amazing too. We woke up and did our family thing. Opened presents, watched A Christmas Story. We opened all of the kids toys so they could play with them without rushing them out the door. I made a delicious breakfast casserole and Tim and I enjoyed a cup of Nicaraguan coffee. This was the first year we didn't have crazy stops to make all day and it was outstanding. I am not going back to rushing around like crazy. Maybe when the kids are older.

Then we headed to my grandparents house to spend time with my family. Food, fun, presents, poker, and family. It doesn't get better. Oh and this year was drama free. Bonus!

Now we are about to ring in the new year and I am ready for it. I hope we are as blessed as we have been in 08. Grace's birthday is coming up in Jan, then Brady's is right after that in Feb. I should have thought through when a good time to deliver would be--cause it is non stop for us October through Feb!

Holiday Cheer

2008-12-20T11:05:00.001-05:00

I must say that this is still my favorite time of year. And the really great part is in having children you get to experience the wonder and joy of Christmas from a child's perspective all over again! Sweet. Brady is old enough now to "get it". He is excited. He is pumped. He is ready for some holiday cheer.

I will admit I get sucked into it all. The decorating, the shopping, the listening to 100% Christmas music from Thanksgiving on. And my husband likes to spoil me on this blessed day so that is awesome in itself. I deserve it though. I really do. Is that wrong to say? I have a really hard time shopping for myself because I just think of what better use I could put that money to. My dear husband however does NOT have this same problem and trust me...his whims are met. But I still take care of him on Christmas....no worries.

So lets talk about Christ in Christmas. Not my strength I will say but I am trying. My husband and I are both searching for a stronger faith. We did not grow up in church so everything is new and we are learning and growing slowly but surely. We starting going to church this summer and it has been an extremely positive experience. At this point I have more questions than answers but I also feel closer to God and faith than I ever have so it is a work in progress. I have a fantastic support system and people I trust to turn to with questions; without the risk of sounding ridiculous and feeling silly. So that is a huge help.

What else...nothing. But I am remembering to count my blessings and thank God for them. I have an amazing extended family and awesome in laws. My husbands family just kicks ass in all sorts of different ways. My kids are so lucky to be surrounded by amazing people on both sides. Now if I could just get them (as in our parents) to interact more that would be a miracle. We have a beautiful home. We are both employed with job security; so thankful we don't have that stress to worry about in this economy. Our children are happy. Our marriage is strong. Life is good.

My first blog.

2008-12-19T14:28:00.001-05:00

Wow. Did I really just enter the world of blogging? Really? Who is going to read this...who in the heck cares about my little existence in this world...I am not even sure. But I do know that I have an amazing family that I love to gush about so why not?

I know I have made some mistakes already and will continue to make mistakes in the future as it pertains to my children and my husband. But I have also learned what I want out of life--joy. A joyful marriage and joyful children. Children that grow up to feel loved and secure. That know they enriched my life beyond description and far beyond expectation. I so don't want to fail at this. So many adults spend so many adult years trying to get over their childhood--I want to spare them that. I don't want them to endure one single day of childhood--I want them to absorb it, revel in it, cherish it. Fantasy? Maybe, but I will try.

So about the kids. I have Brady who is all boy. Rough and rowdy, but also sweet and caring. He has a passion for all thing motorized lol, what boy doesn't. And Grace, ah Grace. My little Diva Baby. Seriously. I think she thinks Diva is her name because that is what I primarily call her, or spin offs of it. Div, Divalicious, and as of late just 'lish. Mistake number one with her....she doesn't think she can sleep alone. Ever. As in never. We co slept with Brady and never seemed to have this problem. Naps? On mom or dad or Katie our poor babysitter. Bed time? Hell no, unless it is moms bed time too! Ahhh, this too shall pass.

Ok, hubby deserves a paragraph. He is all sorts of awesome. Seriously, a man that loves his woman, adores his kids, is not afraid of his feelings, and cleans. Like seriously cleans. A lot. He keeps the house in amazing order and I am so grateful for it. He is a great father--seriously he was meant to be a dad. Just all around yummy.

Well, I am not sure what else I will ever blog about. Kids, events, holidays, random ramblings, breastfeeding? Probably all of it :)